Eating jokes

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?

Because they like to EAT FLESH.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

What type of cake can't orphans eat?

Home made.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.

I eat kids.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

Who eats sleeping? A robot.

Johnny Johnny?

Yes pa pa.

Eating sugar?

Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.

A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.

I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.

These are all of my terrible jokes.

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.