Eating jokes

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?

Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?

Because they like to EAT FLESH.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

What type of cake can't orphans eat?

Home made.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.

I eat kids.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.