Eating jokes
Yo mama so sad that when Alejandra Parma died, she bought 20 Cocomelon Happy Meals from McDonald's and became fat.
Why do dictators always eat without leaving anything on the plate?
Because they can't leave a piece (peace).
It was 5:00 PM and I asked my sibling: "Can I have something to eat?"
He replied: "No, not until you tell me the alphabet."
So I said: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, V, W, X, Y, Z."
Then my sibling asked me: "Where's the T?"
I replied: "It's in the microwave, you just need to dish it up."
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
None, they both eat out.
If you eat pussy, and if you are what you eat, does that mean eating pussy makes you a pussy?
Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
What is the definition of kinky according to a Canadian?
Giving a blowjob to a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise.
Save the plants, eat a vegan.
I have a crush on a girl and both her parents are millionaires.
I guess that gives the term "Eat the rich" a whole new meaning.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me later!"
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
What's the worst part about eating vegetables from the hospital?
The life support cord.
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
What does a gay horse eat?
Heyyy!
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.
Q: What do Epstein and Dahmer have in common?
A: They both like to eat kids in and out.