Dont jokes

Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don't cry, it's just a joke!

Why can't two Asians have a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?

There cheetah you.

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.

Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.

God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.

Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!

God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)

Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)

God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!

God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........

God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?

I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.

Why?

I don’t have a clue.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

I mess up goats for unicorns?

Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.

I don't even know.

What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?

I don't know! I don't care!

Bf: Do you love me?

Gf: Most of the time.

Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.

Gf:...

Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?

Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.

Bf: Why?

Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.

Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

Gf: Ohh...