Dont jokes

Kid: Licks money.

Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.

Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?

Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.

Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.

What issues don't orphans have?

Daddy issues.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Why do gays get bad grades?

They don't get straight A's.

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?

A: Because they're retired!

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”

And then you die inside.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.