Dont jokes
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What is the most famous dish in Africa?
Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.