Dont jokes
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.