Dont jokes

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

What is the most famous dish in Africa?

Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.

I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Why don't Indians like snow?

Because it's white all over their land.

What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?

You don’t need parental consent.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

Roses are red,

I don't know what is brass.

I tell myself,

"Don't touch grass."

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.