Dont jokes
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why don't Indians like snow?
Because it's white all over their land.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
Roses are red,
I don't know what is brass.
I tell myself,
"Don't touch grass."
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.