Dont jokes
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
Why are some girls scared easily?
They don't have balls.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
Why doesn't Adele swim properly?
Because she's rolling in the deep. 🤽♂️
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"