Dont jokes

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

Why don't orphans like getting lost?

Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"

The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."

The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.

You know Africans don’t get seconds.

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?

Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

Don't click the link.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.