Dont jokes

What's common in vampires and American kids?

They both don't get old.

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.

What did a tree say to the tomato?

Nothing! Trees don't talk, silly.

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."