DOE jokes
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
How does a rapper apologize?
With a rap-ology!
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?
Because it's male bonding.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?
They both charge.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?" Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
What does NASA stand for? Nobody Asked, Someone Answered.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"