DOE jokes
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
What does Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass slippers.
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
What does Mars like to eat?
A Mars bar!
What type of bird does not have feathers on itself?
A bald eagle.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What does an orphan call home?
Nothing. 🤣
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.
My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"
Why does Helen Keller loom in the toilet after taking a poop?
Nobody knows!
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!