DOE jokes
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
How do bees go to school?
They go on a buzzzzzzzzzzz.
Why does the cannibal village not exist anymore?
They all ate each other.
Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?
Answer: It tastes better.
What does Stephen Hawking eat?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says mo mo.
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says maa maaa.
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.