DOE jokes
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts!
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow! What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
What does a bouncy airplane sound like?
Boeing Boeing Boeing...
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? A. Depends how thin you slice them.
What movie does an orphan hate?
- No Way Home.
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.