DOE jokes
Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months?
He lost May.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.
Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.
Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.
P.S. No hating in these comments.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.