DOE jokes
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What does the f in orphan stand for? Family.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
Blue Winston.
Why does five plus five equal eleven?
Because it's actually six.
What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day? F5
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it's intersected by a plane!
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.