DOE jokes
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What game does an emo hate the most?
Cut the Rope.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.