DOE jokes
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends how hard you can throw.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why does Blake eat cake? Because Caleb can't.