Doctor jokes
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."