Doctor jokes

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.

The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"

The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."

Hahaha

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,

You respond: "cancer."

Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

How to learn your Vitamins:

A = Art.

B = Bouncy Balls.

C = Cookies.

D = Da Sun.

You'll be smarter than a doctor next time you visit!

*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*

*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

Well what am I gonna do now...

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

What job lets you kill the most people?

An abortion doctor.

Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"

Yo momma so dumb, the doctor wanted to give her a blood transfusion but she said no because she thought it would turn her trans.