Disease jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Cause he would never look both ways.

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.

Your bitch has Covid-19.

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

What do you call a javelin thrower with Parkinson’s?

Shakespeare.

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?

One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.

Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?

He didn’t; he never did.

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.

Stand? Wait. No.

Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝

How do sick Mexicans say hello?

"Ebola."

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.