Disease jokes

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?

A trash can behind the cancer ward.

Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹

Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.

Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.

Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!

What do people with cancer always want to watch?

"Finding Chemo."

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.