Difference jokes
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
Don't tell me different methods of preparation are the same ever again.
What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?
A knife has a point.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What's the difference between Andy and acne?
Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.