How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them theyβre going to die.
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Donβt challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless youβre prepared for the reaper cushions.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Knock knock! who's there? baby! baby who? do u want to eat this baby that i have prepared? no thanks i already ate.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
βNothing special,β he explained. βWe just tell them theyβre going to die.β
A few days after her husbandβs death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. Itβs really hot down here!"
So In Prep class, The students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for grandparents day. Little Johnny's friend Little Sally write things like βthankyouβ and βYou are so nice!β And Little Johnny goes, βWhat are you doing you got it wrong!β So sally says, βWhat do you mean, itβs a letter.β Little Johnny says, βWhy did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the Teacher said!β Then he says, βI wrote a J to remind them of me!β
So there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here so take your drink, mates and fuck off." He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense." replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, He's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!". He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink he opens with, "Say aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Why did a girl like bananas?Because one day she might need to be ready.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
