Difference jokes

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Ayo Lucas, a sussy baka!

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

What's the difference between MJ and myself?

Nothing at all.

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?

A knife has a point.

What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?

You can get on with a prostitute!

What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?

They both have to stay in the kitchen.

What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?

I know how to use an exercise band.

How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?

199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).

Get?

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

What's the difference between Andy and acne?

Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.