Die jokes

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

I want to die.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

Why did the man die of the actor's performance?

The performance was unbeLIVEable!

Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

Why did the mailman die?

Because everyone dies.

You die. LOL!

Where is a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.

Where are people sent to die?

Ross Hall academy.

People tell Kobe to fly high, but when he flew high, he died.

Why did God make the devils die?

God is great!

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.

So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"

Q: Why did the teacher die?

A: Because he hated his life.

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.