Die jokes
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?
He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Someone dies.
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.