Die jokes

The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

The person I hate: Rood.

Me: Shut up.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Of a bad internet connection.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

How did Princess Diana die?

Giving the glove box head.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

The West is dying.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?