Die jokes
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
I love dccfffghyyhh.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.
I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.