Death jokes

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

How did Steven Hawking die?

He blew a fuse doing an update.

I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.

I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?

A lazy bones!

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.