Death jokes

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Me die.

Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?

Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

Guess whose parents didn't survive?

Liv's parents.

The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?

Hug his parents.

I just found out, these jokes are about dead people.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

Why drink water and not bleach?

When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?

Because they never came home.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?

"Under The Sea!!!!! Under The Sea!!!" - The Little Mermaid

Get it ;) Dead ass motherfucker.