Death jokes

Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.

"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?"

"It didn't have the guts!"

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.

Kobe never died, he just faded away.

What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?

Both can't breathe.

What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.

So apparently, Kurt Cobain's death was mind-blowing.

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.