Death jokes
"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?"
"It didn't have the guts!"
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
What’s the last balloon George Floyd blew up? His heroin balloon.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"