Death jokes

The difference between George Floyd and Kobe Bryant is Kobe got air.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

Kobe: "Don't crash!"

Helicopter: *Crashes*

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.

Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.

What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?

"Restore factory settings."

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

Beethoven composed his whole life.

What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.