Death jokes
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
Trout lowk make me think about the early death of Wayne Shorter
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
Iron Man dies.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.