Death jokes
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.
Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
I ate my mom.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because dad never came home with the milk.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣