Death jokes
Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.