Death jokes
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to download a free version of Windows.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?
What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?
Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.