Death Jokes

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

There were three men, and two of them died.

The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.

While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On?》 "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: 《What did you just say to your friend?》 The guy answers: 《A game on, why?》

"Nun" kills the two guys.

🤔

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

More like so they can fuck him, am I right?

Note to all.

My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.

Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:

*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*

If an emo and a leaf are in a tree, which one will fall first?

Answer: The leaf. The rope saved the emo.

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Kobe Bryant survived the plane crash.

If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."

Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.