Death jokes
Why don't orphans play Minecraft?
Because Technoblade is on the platform.
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?
Shoot kids in them ;)
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trashcans.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.