I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
I have a body count of 7.
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.
