Death jokes
I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.
Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
Man dies.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.