Death jokes
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
Memes
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
Where did Lucy go in the bombing... Everywhere.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.