Death jokes

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!

Are you a toaster?

Because I wanna take a bath with you.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Why was Kobe a good father?

He took his daughter with him.

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?

"Rust in peace."

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Just to an orphan.

Orphan: You're stupid.

You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.

What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?

My penis.

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.