Death jokes
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because dad never came home with the milk.
Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
I ate my mom.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.
Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.