Death jokes

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.

Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"

As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"

The parents used to hit him.

His parents got into a car crash and died.

He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

Man dies.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

Deku: Hey, Todoroki?

Shoto: Wht?

Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?

Shoto: :)

Why do orphans have water with their cereal?

Because dad never came home with the milk.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔

How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.