Death jokes
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
This joke is so dark, I need life.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.
What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Why can’t orphans eat cereal with milk? Cause mummy never gave them some.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”