Death jokes
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
"Racecar" spelled backwards is "racecar," but "racecar" sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Why did Techno die?
They broke his bed.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.