Death jokes
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
How do stars die?
Normally, an overdose.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office? Only one of them is scared.
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?
Chocolate drops.
He is dead.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.