Death jokes

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?

She died the next weekend.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?

They never get old.

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?

Her dad didn't beat cancer.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.

What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Why was Kobe a good father?

He took his daughter with him.

"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!