Death jokes

What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?

I know how to use an exercise band.

Where did the mushroom kill himself?

In the mushroom.

He’s not dead, just his storage unit.

OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Error.

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!

Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

What do you call a bullet head?

JFK.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of dead babies.