Death jokes
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
"Racecar" spelled backwards is "racecar," but "racecar" sideways is how Paul Walker died.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
Error.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.