Death jokes
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
"Racecar" spelled backwards is "racecar," but "racecar" sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Why did Techno die?
They broke his bed.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.