Death jokes
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad. He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!