Death jokes
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
Memes
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
"Racecar" spelled backwards is "racecar," but "racecar" sideways is how Paul Walker died.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.