Death jokes

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?

When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.

When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.

Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Error.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!

OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

It’s because she’s dead.

Why did the child die? To see God, our father.

How did Technoblade actually die?

He got stabbed!

Why did Techno die?

They broke his bed.