Death jokes
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
You know Sally? She's dead now.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
My mom died.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
Kill yourself!
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
He's dead now.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"