How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have the guts to do it.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
