Death jokes
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Haha, dead.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
My mom died.
You know Sally? She's dead now.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
Kill yourself!
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"