Death Jokes

Best way to trick your friends:

A brick falls out of a plane.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.

What's yellow and can't float?

A school bus full of children.

What is Juice WRLD's favorite restaurant?

Little Seizures.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?

Stopping it with the shovel!

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?

I don't know, I have both!

Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.

Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?

He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

What’s red, blonde, and wet?

Saskia in grain.

Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.

My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:

When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*

Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?

Because she's dead.

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.