Death jokes

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?

He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.

What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His core i5 Overheated. XD

Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.

From your Dad.

I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.