Death jokes

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His core i5 Overheated. XD

Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

From your Dad.

I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

Me: I saw your parents yesterday.

Orphan girl: Where?

Me: The coffin was still open.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

I started crying when my dad cut up onions.

Onions was such a good hamster.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."