Death jokes

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

(Obtained by running over 69 children.)

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

From your Dad.

I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids.

Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.

Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???

Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.

(Disclaimer: not funny xD)

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.