Death jokes
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and your parents?
Nothing. They are both just memories.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.