Death jokes
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
Kobe got irl canceled.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
Memes
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?