Death jokes
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
What kills you?
Suicide.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.