My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
Death Jokes
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Where did Suzy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
The Earth was flat until they buried you.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To reunite with his parents.
Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?
So it can hang him.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
I would tell a Koby joke...
But it would just crash and burn.
