Death jokes
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I have a joke about suicide, but I’ll just let it hang.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
Parents...
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.