Death jokes

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?

A black alien.

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

Kobe got irl canceled.

His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!

Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

Because she got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face...

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

One day, there are friends having fun.

Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."

And they all agree.

Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.