Death jokes
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.