Death jokes
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
you.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
I wish you guys all died.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.