Death jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
Kill yourself!
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.