Death jokes

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.

What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?

Suicide squad. 😂😂😂

Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.

What's cold, blue and makes women cry?

Cot death.

What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?

It left him hanging.

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

His parents were on the other side!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

Why did I kill?

Because I'm dumb.