Death jokes
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why did I kill?
Because I'm dumb.