Death jokes
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
Could never understand why people would say Stephen Hawking is a dead man walking.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.
How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?
Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.