Day jokes

I am gay, is that ok?

I be on top sucking dick all day. I make him bust every day.

Why is 4/20 such an epic date?

Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)

Good Morning Everyone, have a good and positive day!

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

Have a great day today!

What kind of star will come out in the daytime?

A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂

One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...

Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"