Day jokes
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
What month of the year has 28 days?
Answer: All of them.
Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?
Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.
I just wanted to say, Prince, that that "qwen" you were chatting with is totally fake! I haven't talked to you all day, I swear!
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
I got to work.
Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.
Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.
Boss: Have a nice day.
Ben: Ok, bye!
Boss:??
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
How much is McDonald's on a hot day?
Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.