Day Jokes

If you wanna get fat what's the quickest way to do it? Eat two jars of mayo each day and in about a month your scale will have your phone number!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

When I have a staring contest, I always win. Everyday, I see blind people who hate me.

bro this guys hairline I saw the other day was no were to be seen

Why did the snowman say Good day to the sun? Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun

Quote of the day-

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

Chao!!!

Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side my truck doesn't even have a dent.

if the average male walks 1.7 miles a day then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk

this ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap and in a few days he saw her again and he went up to her and said hey you gave me the clap and she said NO I DID NOT I sold it to ya

why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? because they had no one to pick them up. what's a orphans best friend? a boomarange because it's the only thing that ever came back.

What a day yesterday was I got a promotion and my sisters killer was hit by a bus now I’m in a cast!

why do orphans not like july 24th?? because its parents day

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sisters knickers the other day, it wouldn’t of been so bad but she’s was wearing them at the time, it made the rest of the funeral so awkward

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing!!! Tomorrow I am going to six flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR day!!!!!! Woohooo!!!!

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

why is 4/20 such an epic date?

because It's weed day, columbine, AND hitler's birthday ;)

Little boy: Momma Mom: Yes my dear Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's Mom: Why!? Little boy: Just to see if there ice cream machine is actually broken