Record

Record Jokes

Concussion

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Penis

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Murder

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

Cucumber

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

Indian

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

9/11

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

Cock

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.

Down Syndrome

How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?

They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.

Incest

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Dick

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

Human

How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

Turn on the gas chamber.

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

Rape

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

Story

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.

Brotha

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

Secret

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!