Record jokes
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.
That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.
Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?
Because they're recording.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
A meme supreme
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?
Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.
I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
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All records are as of March 11th, 2021.
Guys, put more comments in.
We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the "mic drop" was too high!
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3