Date jokes

As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, then why was 10 afraid?

Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.

9/10/01

Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”

I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?

Why not?

Too old.

9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date? Because he didn't want to see the bill.

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.

Why do I only date orphans?

Because they never have daddy issues.