Date jokes
Why were 7, 8, and 10 scared?
Answer: 9/11, of course!
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
August 3rd is the moon of earth, earth, moon, earth, universe.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
Why is 10 afraid? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!