Dark Humor
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?
Hang 'em high.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.