Dark Humor

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?

Hang 'em high.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.

What’s long and black?

The line at KFC.

What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?

Christopher Reeves in a house fire.

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What's common between a feminist and a knife?

They both stay in the kitchen.

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)