Dark Humor
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
Memes
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?
Hang 'em high.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
Q. How does an emo scratch an itch? A. With a razor blade.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.
Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.
And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.