Dark Humor
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?
Hang 'em high.
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.