Dark Humor

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.

Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?

A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?

We have a case of Witzelsucht.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?

A: At least one does something when it is triggered.

Why don't we have female magicians?

'Cause the last ones got hanged.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?

Hang 'em high.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.