Dark Humor
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.
Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.
And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.
JK, dark humor.
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.