Dark Humor
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Orphans and Chinese people can’t play baseball. The orphans can’t find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
What can't you say to an emo?
Hang in there, buddy!
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?
Me: Maybe I can hang later...
Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.
So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?
A knife at least has a point.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.
Onions was a good dog.