What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
Dark Humor
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.
Onions was a good dog.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
How do you get an emo kid to jump?
A bridge.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
